10 Day Challenge: 8 Fears

I know theoretically as a Christian I really am not supposed to fear anything, but I have a very difficult time with that. It is definitely a control issue for me in most circumstances, and I am very aware that I need to work on that.

8. Fear of snakes - According to Cheney, this is an illogical fear, but I have a physical reaction when I am near snakes. My stomach gets queasy, my palms begin to get clammy, etc. I think this was probably due to someone else's over-reaction when I was really small because otherwise it really is unfounded. Even my 2 5th grade colleagues have tried to get me to have a snake as a pet to "fit in" and it just ain't happening!

7. Fear of war - When I was in the 5th grade, the US was in the middle of a conflict with Libya and Qaddafi. I spent weeks terrified that we were going to be bombed and the end of the world would happen. Fast forward to today - the same type of conflict, but better weapons. Although I have great confidence in our military, I still have those nervous tendencies when I watch too much news.

6. Fear of being startled - I hate being scared! Now I know that since I've put this out there for all 4 of the people who read this, you may try to scare me, but thank goodness I live in a different state. It makes my heart jump and takes me forever to get over it.

7. Fear of being alone - I'm not sure that really speaks to what I want, but here it goes. When I stay by myself, I have an over active imagination. It's not that I'm scared of being by myself, I just scare myself. For example, while in Louisiana I stayed a night by myself at my parents' house. I've done it a thousand times, but not since their house was broken into. I locked the doors, set the alarm, etc. before going to bed. But, that wasn't enough. I then proceeded to lock myself into the master bedroom. However, all night I heard things - voices (from the tv I left on in the living room, footsteps outside, etc.). After finally falling asleep, somehow the door made a sound and scared the life out of me. This type of scenario has happened countless times - cats knocking on doors, shower curtains blowing back on me, etc.

6. Fear of closed spaces - I'm not a full blown claustrophobic, but I'm close. I don't like people in my face ( I get laughing gas to get my teeth cleaned), bushwacking through the woods, being cramped for long periods of time. Give me the wide open and I'll be happy as a lark.

5. Fear of a brain tumor or other cancer - Too many people I know are facing this reality and it scares me to know that chances are pretty good that I may develop this disease or someone I love.

4. Fear of losing my job - In light of recent cuts in education across our nation, I am very fearful of losing something precious to me. To be a teacher is not just a job to me, but it is a purpose. I would not know what to do if I didn't have that. In the summer, when everyone else is thinking teachers have the time off, I am working on ideas and planning for next year.

3. Fear of not pleasing people - I'm not a people pleaser 100% of the time, but when someone is disappointed in me, it affects me tremendously. I dread to hear someone tell me that I haven't lived up to their expectations. I was one of those kids growing up. The one who would be more affected by knowing my parents were disappointed than I would be receiving a spanking - although I did receive my share of those.

2. Fear of Hospitals, Needles, Blood, and Doctor's Offices - It's the smell - honestly! I dread going to the doctor, so most of the time I don't. Just to look at a needle, even on television, I get sequeamish. The few times that Cheney has cut his fingers open, I haven't been able to help because I'm passed out in the laundry basket. I think it all started when I was 11 or 12 and my Paw Paw Vernon had open heart surgery. I remember walking into his hospital room and he had his leg out of the covers where he had pretty much been filleted. The betadine was still staining his leg, there were stitches and staples, and the next thing I knew, I was grabbing my knees to keep from passing out. This happens every time I go for shots. I hate the dentist and ask for laughing gas to get my teeth cleaned. I know, I'm a wuss.

1. Not Having Children - I'll be 36 this year and I've come to the conclusion that I won't be a mother in the conventional sense of the word. It will have to come through adoption or some gracious soul leaving a baby on my door step with a note (if you know anyone who would, send them my way). But, it's still disheartening to know that I'll never be pregnant. Cheney is 41 and time is ticking away from us. If we are going to be parents, we need to start making some tough decisions. I'm afraid that we'll run out of time.


Ziggy said…
This post made me laugh, made me think & made me want to cry. May the things you fear never happen & may the Lord give you the desires of your heart.